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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Eye gouging

If I could destroy by carnal self I would. If I could live as a being of pure will I would. If all my wants were nothing but fading thoughts I would rejoice. 

But they're not... 

I lie in cold despair with my rebellios body. Like a stubborn mule it kicks back and forth keeping me from true surity. I beat my chest attempting in some way to free my soul, but it laughs with a blood curdling cry. I climb to the highest point and yell a deep, true, and raw yell. Screaming till my lungs scream with me. And in one momment I realize that all the bitter actions I could do. All the self harm I could inflict. Would do absolutley nothing in the grand sceme. To purge this disease they call humanity. To gouge out the sinful eyes and throw them into the deepest pit of the earth. The tears that fall out of those eyes are tears of frustration, Of struggle, and of pain. The encrusted heart that Paul spoke of has been broken. The hard heart that Ramsees could not break shatterd. The only thing that remained was a heart of flesh. The only thing. The ONLY thing that could free me. Is grace. My want and purpose is not to understand the enigma, but to embrace it. 
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